I'm actually not kidding. There is a guy at my hall who wont stop messaging me.
I was randomly talking to him on one of my statuses yesterday and then he was like "is it ok if i come up to your room?" and I was like 'LOL NO FUCK OFF", which is a lie. I would have liked to say that. What I really said was "Um no I'm about to go to bed actually lol what a coincidence that I decided this right as you asked me that extremely creepy question." Anyway.
I saw him at dinner but we didn't speak and then if you are my friend on Facebook you can go on and see the message he sent me. Basically I haven't replied because I don't want him to know that I'm in my room in case he comes up. And if he messages me again tomorrow i'm going to pretend that I didn't see it because I didn't go on Facebook.
It's quite likely that I'm blowing this way way out of proportion but I don't think so. He has my cellphone number. He got it off Facebook, which I actually think is well creepy and presumptuous. Because who ever said I was going to give him my number anyway??
Christ.
I don't need any more friends. I have lots of good ones already and I think I'm done meeting people now.
That's a really weird thing to say but I don't care.
*Rose is awkward/paranoid blog 2k11.*
Monday, March 28, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Welp
So is there actually a point in me writing this blog? I only started it because Jordan said I should. Not that I only do this because of what other people say- I'm perfectly capable of making my own decisions. But anyway Jordan mentioned it and I thought "not a bad idea" and well here is my blog and four people know about it but is there actually a point when none of them have their own private blog. I don't care if you think it's weird that I think I should be exchanging my information for other people's, but there you go.
Should I keep writing, y/n?
Should I keep writing, y/n?
Friday, March 25, 2011
Saturday 26th March
I'm not doing so well at this whole taking care of myself thing. It's 5pm and I've been out of bed for three hours so far. In that time I've been on Tumblr, and to the supermarket which is five minutes walk away to get V and tomato bread. My room is a mess. There are clothes everywhere and books all over my floor which I usually simply will not allow, but hey icbf picking them up. I'm not going to go down to dinner tonight (again) and I'm going to blow off the people on my floor when they ask me to drink with them and go to town because I'm so so tired and I don't have an ID yet.
On top of everything is the fact that I have a 1,000 word text analysis due on Thursday and a) I haven't read the text, b) i haven't been to the library yet, c) I haven't been to the lectures or the tutorials and d) I almost don't give a fuck.
I may have accomplished getting to university but now that I'm actually here I don't really know how to handle everything.
I spent so long last year telling myself and everyone else that I was going to get here and I told my mum I could handle the work and that she shouldn't worry but I obviously had no idea what I was talking about.
On top of everything is the fact that I have a 1,000 word text analysis due on Thursday and a) I haven't read the text, b) i haven't been to the library yet, c) I haven't been to the lectures or the tutorials and d) I almost don't give a fuck.
I may have accomplished getting to university but now that I'm actually here I don't really know how to handle everything.
I spent so long last year telling myself and everyone else that I was going to get here and I told my mum I could handle the work and that she shouldn't worry but I obviously had no idea what I was talking about.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
2.50AM, Tuesday 21st March
Tomorrow is my 18th birthday. I haven't really anticipated it all that much- like, I'm not all that excited. I'm just a little indifferent. I know that the people on my floor are planning a night out, and I'll be happy to go to town with them, but the whole birthday thing is just... okay. Being 18 wont really change a lot. All it really means is that now when people supply me with alcohol, it'll be legal, and when I go out to town I'll be able to go into clubs. It doesn't mean anything school-wise, or boy-wise, or job- or driving-wise, which are usually the four major things in any teen's life. Any teenage girl, anyway. Unless you're a gay dude.
I just don't know what to expect from anything.
I just don't know what to expect from anything.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Post Influenced By A Friend
There are people who know exactly what they want to do. I admire that in a person, especially when they're confident enough to actually pursue them. Me, I want a lot of things, but I don't have a dream. I don't want anything so bad that finally achieving it would be the absolute highlight of my life. Sure, I wish and lust and hope for things, but I don't have a proper dream. I think it's because I don't feel like I'm talented or driven enough to go after them.
I'm at University now. My final year of high school was dedicated to achieving the grades I needed and making sure I had everything done- all the forms, all the reading, all the decisions. I chose to do History, Spanish and Classical Studies, because they're all things that interest me. They're not things that will help me make a shit ton of money later in life, they're just subjects that I enjoyed at school or thought I would enjoy.
I went through a lot of crap getting here, though. The accommodation service strung me along. They wouldn't tell me whether I'd been placed or not, and I recieved my confirmation days after everyone else. I was so stressed, I cried almost every hour the first two days, because I knew that if I couldn't get into a hostel I wouldn't be going.
And then, while I was in the UK, the mother of all disappointments occured. The enrolment office declined me, and didn't tell me why. I sobbed on my bed for a long, long time. I felt helpless because I was 24 hours via plane away from home, and there wasn't a lot I could do to fix my problem. The day after next I got up the courage to phone them and ask them what the fuck was going on.
It turned out that two of my assessments from Year 11, of all things, had been merged, and therefore I didn't have enough math credits to gain "university entrance". They told me I could fix it, but not until I came back to New Zealand.
A month later I got home, finally, and a week later, after a lot of studying, passed a maths algebra test that would make up the credits.
That, however, wasn't the end. I had to submit a godamn appeal.
Merely four days before move in day at my hall (we had to struggle to hold onto my place) I finally recieved confirmation that I'd been accpeted. My mum cried. I couldn't speak. After all this crap, I'd finally made it.
And I'm here now. I go to lectures every week. I eat dinner in the huge dining hall with my new friends. I walk around campus like I belong there, because I do. Even though I don't like studying, I like learning. Ultimately, I love discovering new and exciting things, especially when it comes to the ancient world.
I also changed my Spanish minor to a French minor. I thought that picking up a new language might not be the best choice, so now I'm doing something that I did for four years in high school. I did history for five, Classical studies for one.
Where I've been going with all this is that even though I'm here now, I still don't know what I want to do with it. People say you need to have plans for the future. I don't. I have no idea what I'm going to do when I finish my education. I've been at school for the last 13 years, and I'm about to embark on another three to four. I wont know how to be completely independent. I wont know what to do with myself. I'm a little afraid.
This post turned out way longer than I'd planned. I doubt anyone's going to read it once they see the size of it.
Now I'm going to say what I'd actually planned to say before I started telling everyone my life story: what i wish I were dedicated to want enough to actually do:
Bye.
Jordan you'd better write a post tonight.
Yeah. Bye.
I'm at University now. My final year of high school was dedicated to achieving the grades I needed and making sure I had everything done- all the forms, all the reading, all the decisions. I chose to do History, Spanish and Classical Studies, because they're all things that interest me. They're not things that will help me make a shit ton of money later in life, they're just subjects that I enjoyed at school or thought I would enjoy.
I went through a lot of crap getting here, though. The accommodation service strung me along. They wouldn't tell me whether I'd been placed or not, and I recieved my confirmation days after everyone else. I was so stressed, I cried almost every hour the first two days, because I knew that if I couldn't get into a hostel I wouldn't be going.
And then, while I was in the UK, the mother of all disappointments occured. The enrolment office declined me, and didn't tell me why. I sobbed on my bed for a long, long time. I felt helpless because I was 24 hours via plane away from home, and there wasn't a lot I could do to fix my problem. The day after next I got up the courage to phone them and ask them what the fuck was going on.
It turned out that two of my assessments from Year 11, of all things, had been merged, and therefore I didn't have enough math credits to gain "university entrance". They told me I could fix it, but not until I came back to New Zealand.
A month later I got home, finally, and a week later, after a lot of studying, passed a maths algebra test that would make up the credits.
That, however, wasn't the end. I had to submit a godamn appeal.
Merely four days before move in day at my hall (we had to struggle to hold onto my place) I finally recieved confirmation that I'd been accpeted. My mum cried. I couldn't speak. After all this crap, I'd finally made it.
And I'm here now. I go to lectures every week. I eat dinner in the huge dining hall with my new friends. I walk around campus like I belong there, because I do. Even though I don't like studying, I like learning. Ultimately, I love discovering new and exciting things, especially when it comes to the ancient world.
I also changed my Spanish minor to a French minor. I thought that picking up a new language might not be the best choice, so now I'm doing something that I did for four years in high school. I did history for five, Classical studies for one.
Where I've been going with all this is that even though I'm here now, I still don't know what I want to do with it. People say you need to have plans for the future. I don't. I have no idea what I'm going to do when I finish my education. I've been at school for the last 13 years, and I'm about to embark on another three to four. I wont know how to be completely independent. I wont know what to do with myself. I'm a little afraid.
This post turned out way longer than I'd planned. I doubt anyone's going to read it once they see the size of it.
Now I'm going to say what I'd actually planned to say before I started telling everyone my life story: what i wish I were dedicated to want enough to actually do:
- Improve my writing enough so that people will read it and like it because it's good, and not because I asked them to have a look and tell me what they think. I want to write stories that people will stumble across and recommend to their friends. I'm not aiming to write a novel. I'm talking about fanfiction. Yeah. Um. Anyway. I still haven't finished the one I started months ago. But I think I'm getting better.
- You know, that's probably it for now. I've been writing since I was a wee girl, and for years I did nothing to improve my style and technique, and everything I wrote fell flat. Now I think I've definitely improved, but I want to improve more. I just can't seem to find the time.
Bye.
Jordan you'd better write a post tonight.
Yeah. Bye.
Well Oh Well
Took Chrissy's advice and went to the supermarket: bought some yummy tomato bread and salami (and a V... couldn't help it). Made a nomalicious sandwich. Yep.
Since Mum gave me some money for my birthday I also went to Valleygirl and bought some awesome black and white cotton pants and a new t-shirt. Whoop.
Even though I've been inside a lot lately and only go out to get food or go to Uni, I still feel a bit better about this whole... thing. I mean, I meet new people all the time. Sometimes I'll be randomly chatting to someone in the library, or someone I've met will introduce me to their friends. It's awesome. There are around 22,000 people at Vic Uni, so I'm bound to meet some cool people. I should stop worrying and just get on with it. </trying to be optimistic>
Since Mum gave me some money for my birthday I also went to Valleygirl and bought some awesome black and white cotton pants and a new t-shirt. Whoop.
Even though I've been inside a lot lately and only go out to get food or go to Uni, I still feel a bit better about this whole... thing. I mean, I meet new people all the time. Sometimes I'll be randomly chatting to someone in the library, or someone I've met will introduce me to their friends. It's awesome. There are around 22,000 people at Vic Uni, so I'm bound to meet some cool people. I should stop worrying and just get on with it. </trying to be optimistic>
Friday Night
My eating habits here are even worse than they were when I lived at home. At least then I could go into the kitchen and make toast whenever I liked- now I'm living in a hall where all the meals are at set times. Breakfast is 7 til 9, but i don't usually wake up until after 9, so I haven't had breakfast at all in the three weeks I've been here so far.
Today I was straight out the door to uni without eating, and I didn't have any food until dinner at 5.15, so I went 24 hours without a meal or even a snack. Nothing at all. I was hungry, but not hugely so...
And I have no money left. I spent the last of it on V and now I wont have any more until Tuesday. And even then I only get $50, which may seem like a lot but with my lifestyle it isn't, and especially since I'm living in a major city where everything seems to cost twice as much as it did at home.
On the plus side, walking up the hill to uni is easier now that I have to do it everyday. I don't think I'll bother with taking the cable car now. I want to build up some muscle in my legs.
Anyway.
It's Friday night. I'm not doing anything except watching Supernatural on Megavideo. The hallway outside my door is quiet, thankfully. Last night there were people coming into my room, asking me to come into town with them. I turned them all down because a) they were way ahead of me in drunkeness and b) I'm still 17 (until Tuesday, at least).
So. This has been a post.
Goodnight :)
Today I was straight out the door to uni without eating, and I didn't have any food until dinner at 5.15, so I went 24 hours without a meal or even a snack. Nothing at all. I was hungry, but not hugely so...
And I have no money left. I spent the last of it on V and now I wont have any more until Tuesday. And even then I only get $50, which may seem like a lot but with my lifestyle it isn't, and especially since I'm living in a major city where everything seems to cost twice as much as it did at home.
On the plus side, walking up the hill to uni is easier now that I have to do it everyday. I don't think I'll bother with taking the cable car now. I want to build up some muscle in my legs.
Anyway.
It's Friday night. I'm not doing anything except watching Supernatural on Megavideo. The hallway outside my door is quiet, thankfully. Last night there were people coming into my room, asking me to come into town with them. I turned them all down because a) they were way ahead of me in drunkeness and b) I'm still 17 (until Tuesday, at least).
So. This has been a post.
Goodnight :)
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Yay
Have a new laptop, talking to my bestie, went to the movies on Tuesday and feel good about that because it means that people actually want to hang out with me :D
Things are looking up!
Also my 18th is next Tuesday which means a party, so that's something to look forward to :D
x
Things are looking up!
Also my 18th is next Tuesday which means a party, so that's something to look forward to :D
x
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Feeling A Bit Miz
I've met some cool people but I haven't really made any friends. Everyone seems to already have a little group or something and I feel like a bit of a loser.
And I miss my friends back home :(
On the plus side Mum finally ordered a laptop for me, so I'll be getting that this week HOPEFULLY.
That's all actually. Um.
x
And I miss my friends back home :(
On the plus side Mum finally ordered a laptop for me, so I'll be getting that this week HOPEFULLY.
That's all actually. Um.
x
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Also
I hate people who think that because they have had sex they are better than the virgin people. It's like, yes, you did something that people have been doing since people began. You're so special. Have a fucking medal and a goddamn chicken, you whore.
Crazy Shit That Has Happened To Me Lately
Yay now two people know about this blog. Hi Keryn :D I messaged you just now so I hope you get it soon.
So I turn 18 in ten days. I'm not that bothered. The only reason I'm really looking forward to it is because when I go to town with people from my hostel I'll actually be able to get into clubs, instead of wandering around with the lovely people who volunteer to stay with me.
I love being at uni but I'm worried that no one will want to be friends with me and that there might be some people who will talk to me but not actually be my friend, and all the people I love back home will decide they actually don't like me that much and I'll be a friendless loser who stays shut up in her room all day watching Supernatural.
I'm also worried because they guy I (no light way of putting this) had drunk sex with two weeks ago has spoken to me exactly once since then and it's probably because we hardly see each other anyway cause he's on floor 4 and the only reason I saw him in the first place is because I was invited to drink in someone's room on the 5th floor (I'm on 9th) and he got me drunk and well. At least now I know I'm not going to die a virgin.
Does being drunk make it less meaningful? I don't know.
Also I had my first properly drunk experience that Monday (the sex was on Friday Feb 25th) when I had too much cider and then too much white wine and I passed out in McDonalds (on a guy's lap- his name is Tom, he was really nice and he gave me his jacket) and had to be pretty much carried home. It was embarrassing. People from my old high school saw. And I puked out of a taxi.
No hangover though. Fuck yeah.
Before all the excessive drunkeness though I had a fab time. We played a drinking game in Chris' room and then went to town for McDonalds, but I ended up with a completely different group of people and we ended up at a club instead. I couldn't get inside so this guy Jarred stayed with me and he got wine, and we drunk all of it and then we met some more people and I remember hugging everyone and then McDonalds and then puking on the floor. It wasn't that bad. It was just wine and cider.
That's o-week for you (or me, anyway).
I haven't been out since that Friday though. Just ten days and I can party properly.
I love uni life.
x
So I turn 18 in ten days. I'm not that bothered. The only reason I'm really looking forward to it is because when I go to town with people from my hostel I'll actually be able to get into clubs, instead of wandering around with the lovely people who volunteer to stay with me.
I love being at uni but I'm worried that no one will want to be friends with me and that there might be some people who will talk to me but not actually be my friend, and all the people I love back home will decide they actually don't like me that much and I'll be a friendless loser who stays shut up in her room all day watching Supernatural.
I'm also worried because they guy I (no light way of putting this) had drunk sex with two weeks ago has spoken to me exactly once since then and it's probably because we hardly see each other anyway cause he's on floor 4 and the only reason I saw him in the first place is because I was invited to drink in someone's room on the 5th floor (I'm on 9th) and he got me drunk and well. At least now I know I'm not going to die a virgin.
Does being drunk make it less meaningful? I don't know.
Also I had my first properly drunk experience that Monday (the sex was on Friday Feb 25th) when I had too much cider and then too much white wine and I passed out in McDonalds (on a guy's lap- his name is Tom, he was really nice and he gave me his jacket) and had to be pretty much carried home. It was embarrassing. People from my old high school saw. And I puked out of a taxi.
No hangover though. Fuck yeah.
Before all the excessive drunkeness though I had a fab time. We played a drinking game in Chris' room and then went to town for McDonalds, but I ended up with a completely different group of people and we ended up at a club instead. I couldn't get inside so this guy Jarred stayed with me and he got wine, and we drunk all of it and then we met some more people and I remember hugging everyone and then McDonalds and then puking on the floor. It wasn't that bad. It was just wine and cider.
That's o-week for you (or me, anyway).
I haven't been out since that Friday though. Just ten days and I can party properly.
I love uni life.
x
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