what's this?!

oh wow, completely forgot about this blog for like four months!

sorry about that :3

anyway uh, i'm back at home and have been since mid october. it's okay for now, i suppose. my mum and i aren't fighting much and me and my sisters get on 95% of the time. not much about how i live my life has changed, i'm just doing it somewhere else.

all the same, i really want to be gone again. i have literally no money right now (cause i spent it all on christmas presents), but there's a possibility that i'll be moving to feilding with nadia, breandan and isaac, which is fantastic. so i need to work to get a bond for the flat, and also find a job. shouldn't be too difficult...

I'm unhappy and I miss my friends and I've put on weight and my clothes suck and I hate university and my mum hates me and I'm anti-social and everything SUCKS.
UGH
Sorry, but I need to rant a little.
I'm writing this really long essay that's nowhere near finished and it's just pissing me off a lot... :(

Sad Life Happenings

Some bad things have been happening.

• First of all, my mum and I had a fight over something selfish and horrible I did to her. I'm not going to say what it was.. I know it was bad, but at the time I didn't feel guilty. At all. I think that makes me a bad person; to have the ability to do something that will ultimitly shake my mother's trust in me even more, and yet not feel remorse, even after she finds out.
  I didn't try to explain to her why I did it either. I know that it made me feel a little better after going through crap with uni, but that wouldn't have been reason enough for her.
• My aunt, who lives in Arizona, committed suicide yesterday morning. I feel like I've already dealt with her death and moved on. I barely knew her. The last time I saw her I was still living in Auckland, almost 10 years ago. I had no idea she was ill, because nobody bothered to tell me (even though at 18 I'm perfectly capable of understanding depression).

Apart from these two things, I still feel bad. I have exams in just over a week and I haven't started studying, and I don't feel any motivation to start any time soon. :/

In Spite of What I Said Before...

I still really don't want to leave. Like Chrissy said, it's awesome here for the atmosphere, and I love Wellington and the city and the people I live with and everything EXCEPT actually doing work. I don't want to fail. I don't want to drop out. I want to keep at it, I just wish I knew how to balance everything, because I've never done it before and I don't have the willpower :/

Unmotivated.

I feel like such an idiot. Why did I wait until now to start thinking about studying? My first exam is in less than 2 weeks, and I still need to get all the notes I've missed, and go over everything I already have. This is ridiculous. Sometimes I wonder why I even bothered with university. I could have worked all this year and gone travelling, I could have done something easier, something achievable. Instead I'm here, where I want to be, but where I don't really belong. It's a waste of money. I already have a debt upwards of 5000 dollars.
Instead of studying I spend my day, usually from 11am-11pm, reading, watching tv shows online, blogging and walking around the city. I should be making notes, making flashcards, drawing up study plans... I need to fix this now. Or maybe tomorrow...

ahhh kinda fucked up my sleeping pattern again :(

night before last i didn't sleep, and stayed up all day yesterday. i went to bed at around 6.30pm, and then woke up today at 5.30. my lecture wasn't until 12pm so i decided to take a little nap at around 7am until 9am, but i didn't actually wake up until 6pm. so, i slept for 24 hours, which is completely fucked up :/

Update

Woah, it's been a while since I last wrote. Nothing to write about really. Still having problems with school, friends, self... nothing new.

Well, maybe a couple of things.

I've finally made some friends. I doubted my ability to get along with anyone here before, but I realised that I just needed to give it time. I've met some lovely, interesting people since those times, and I know now that I didn't need to worry. In saying that, I should also mention that I miss my friends back home and elsewhere more than ever.

School is more of a problem, if anything. I've been kicked out of my history course because I missed one too many tutorials. I had a little breakdown, tried to fix it, and failed, and now I'm quite concerned for the future of my education. If I don't get enough points this year, then next year at uni will be a no go for me, and I don't even know if I can do well enough with just 6 courses, when most people are doing 7 or 8.

So I may have to take an extra filler course next trimester, bringing my total to five. I'll handle it. Somehow.

I'm still not eating right, spending all my money too quickly, shutting myself in my room for days at a time, not going to class, staying up until 7am and waking at 2pm, shirking my resposibilities and ignoring my assignments. I need to fix these things ASAP. I hope it's not too late.

But we'll see how that goes.

Oh, and I'm pretty sure that I have a cold.

x

Sins

I fucking hate that I can't control how jealous I get sometime. Even two months later I'm still hung up on what happened between James and I. I don't even have feelings for him, I just wish I could stop thinking about it and feeling so awkward around him. I haven't even been to dinner since I got back 5 days ago because he might be there, and there are so little people around now that I can't really ignore him.

I may have checked Sloth on that Facebook quiz thing, and it's true, but really I'm guilty of all of them.

Sloth, because I put off my work as often as I can, I don't look after myself & I sleep in hours past I'm supposed to.

Envy, which I feel whenever I see a girl prettier than me or with better clothes than me or with a talent that I could never hope to have or ever be bothered to work for.

Lust, which never really goes away. Because I'm a teenage girl and I'm surrounded with people I can't have.

Gluttony, because I love food more than most people.

Wrath, because even the tiniest things anger me, especially the things that don't really matter. Thinks links to Envy too.

Greed, because I'm never completely happy with what I have.

Pride, because I feel superior when I get a better grade than someone, even people I consider friends.

And today on the street the old Jesus-loving bible-basher that stands on Lambton Quay everyday, without fail, called me a sinner and told me I'm going to hell. And maybe I am.

Ouch

That awful feeling you get when you message someone you haven't spoken to in months to say you miss them, and instead of getting a message back that says they miss you too, they say "of course you miss me" and don't message you again.

FML.

I changed my mind.

Probably a good thing, too.

Also I'm kinda pissed off. What exactly is the point in telling someone they can come to the movies with you, then not replying for ages, and then finally messaging saying they're already in town? I had already specified that I would need a ride if I were to go anywhere, so yeah, thanks for getting my hopes up. I'm all alone here at home and my friends are going off doing things without me. I'm only here until Tuesday. JFC.

Anyway. I really hope I can figure out some way to see Nadia before I go, because I haven't seen her in ages.

I Have To Say SOMETHING...

It just doesn't seem fair, you not knowing.

I know I'm not imagining things either because this is a familiar feeling- it's the beginning. It's going to get more intense, and I'm going to hate myself for ignoring it. I wish I had someone to talk to about this, but no one's online.

I'm a bad, bad person.

Thoughts

This past weekend gave me a couple of things to think about, and I might have to change my perspective on some things and some people including myself.

I don't know...

I wish I didn't live so far away now. I miss everyone so much and I feel like I'm missing out on a lot of things. I hate having to leave after having so much fun and knowing that it'll be weeks until I see everyone again and yet they all live minutes away from each other and when the holidays are over they'll be back at school and together again. Sometimes I really wish I'd been in the year below.

Wrote a post for my other blog so might as well write one for this one.

It seems to me that there haven't been a whole lot of times in my life when I'm not crushing on someone. Some have been intense and lengthy, some stupid, some short, some embarrassing. I don't have one now though. Sure, there are some people that I get along with and who I find attractive, but so far, nothing really. My only lovers now are food and the internet, and I don't care one bit.
Okay. Maybe a little bit.

I think I am a little afraid of committment, but hey, isn't everyone really? I just hope that mine isn't crippling. I don't want to be 30 and alone. Or 25 and alone. Or even 20 and alone.

Last Night

Finally got to drink again last night. I hadn't since o-week and I started getting really bored on weekends & a bit left out with all my floormates running around drunkenly while I'm in my room watching movies or on the internet.

At 8pmish last night my next door neighbour Emily invited me over to her room for her party. Her 16 year old sister & her friend Lucy were the only ones there at first but after half an hour or so a whole heap of people started arriving and soon enough the room was jam packed with people and very very warm. I stood outside in the corridor with Emily a few other people for some air, including the stalker, Owen, who randomly turned up with a plastic bag full of Canadian whisky.

To start with I'd had three cups of "electric blue" vodka + lemonade & then Owen gave me some whisky which actually wasn't that bad, and then he went back to 2nd floor to get his shots, one of which I had. They were Mango & Vodka or something and they made my mouth feel really weird.

Then some of the people started randomly leaving and then coming back so I stole a seat on the bed next to Owen and Emily and we sat there for a while, and then I started feeling really sick what with the drinking and the heat and I went to my room to lay down. That was at about 10.30. At 11ish I went to the bathroom and threw up, and I sat in there for an hour and a half until I felt able to stand & walk back to my room, where I promptly fell asleep. I woke again at 6am and then again at 11.40, which is when I got up & showered.

And because of all this I haven't started my Greek History essay, so I need to do that ASAP.

Looking On The + Side (most of the time)

I actually feel kind of bad right now, and left out. Yesterday night a whole bunch of people that I know and get along with went to the movies because they got free tickets, and I didn't go. I was planning on going on Saturday with some other people anyway but I just feel miserable because I didn't know such a large group was going & I wish I'd got in on it earlier and snagged a free spot. Mmost of them have already been now and I don't know if there's any point in going. So I spent my ticket money on junk food. And now I feel sick.
I really have to stop doing that.

On the plus side, because I got up at 9.30 this morning with little sleep during the night I am now tired enough to go to bed hopefully before 2am. I have three lectures tomorrow and then I can focus on writing my essay for Greek History & be all ready school wise to go home on Friday without feeling bad about procrastinating.

Also on the plus side I am 1200 pages through my 1300 page epic undertaking of reading The Stand for the second time.

And I went to all my lectures today. And passed my first essay with a pretty good mark.

And yep.
Bye x

Stalker Update

Oh, by the way, stalker guy has stopped inviting himself up to see me. I've talked to him on facebook chat a couple of times and I've found he's actually very easy to talk to.

... but in light of my last post I'd like to keep this on a strictly platonic level.

x

April 5th

I never becoming emotionally or physically invested in anyone ever again.
I don't even know why I care so much that he now has a girlfriend.
It was one night. I was drunk. We're not friends. I barely even know the guy.
But I just hate that feeling I get when I feel underappreciated, or that other people are better than me in any way.

Sometimes I just wish it hadn't happened. I hear people talking about how desperate a girl must be to get with a guy she doesn't know, and I know those comments aren't directed at me, but it really makes me feel bad. Regardless of how much I'd had to drink, I knew what was going to happen before I'd even had one cup of vodka- it was just obvious. You know how sometimes you just tell what someone's thinking? I'm actually quite proud of the way I can interpret people sometimes. Namely guys. Even when they're not being very obvious.

Ugh, I'm rambling.

Anyway. I'd better lie down in my bed of pain and read and then try to get some sleep. And try not to think too much.
Or maybe I'll get a sandwich.

Goodnight :) x

I Have A Stalker

I'm actually not kidding. There is a guy at my hall who wont stop messaging me.

I was randomly talking to him on one of my statuses yesterday and then he was like "is it ok if i come up to your room?" and I was like 'LOL NO FUCK OFF", which is a lie. I would have liked to say that. What I really said was "Um no I'm about to go to bed actually lol what a coincidence that I decided this right as you asked me that extremely creepy question." Anyway.

I saw him at dinner but we didn't speak and then if you are my friend on Facebook you can go on and see the message he sent me. Basically I haven't replied because I don't want him to know that I'm in my room in case he comes up. And if he messages me again tomorrow i'm going to pretend that I didn't see it because I didn't go on Facebook.

It's quite likely that I'm blowing this way way out of proportion but I don't think so. He has my cellphone number. He got it off Facebook, which I actually think is well creepy and presumptuous. Because who ever said I was going to give him my number anyway??

Christ.
I don't need any more friends. I have lots of good ones already and I think I'm done meeting people now.
That's a really weird thing to say but I don't care.
*Rose is awkward/paranoid blog 2k11.*

So long as one person is reading this, I'll keep posting :)

Welp

So is there actually a point in me writing this blog? I only started it because Jordan said I should. Not that I only do this because of what other people say- I'm perfectly capable of making my own decisions. But anyway Jordan mentioned it and I thought "not a bad idea" and well here is my blog and four people know about it but is there actually a point when none of them have their own private blog. I don't care if you think it's weird that I think I should be exchanging my information for other people's, but there you go.

Should I keep writing, y/n?

Saturday 26th March

I'm not doing so well at this whole taking care of myself thing. It's 5pm and I've been out of bed for three hours so far. In that time I've been on Tumblr, and to the supermarket which is five minutes walk away to get V and tomato bread. My room is a mess. There are clothes everywhere and books all over my floor which I usually simply will not allow, but hey icbf picking them up. I'm not going to go down to dinner tonight (again) and I'm going to blow off the people on my floor when they ask me to drink with them and go to town because I'm so so tired and I don't have an ID yet.

On top of everything is the fact that I have a 1,000 word text analysis due on Thursday and a) I haven't read the text, b) i haven't been to the library yet, c) I haven't been to the lectures or the tutorials and d) I almost don't give a fuck.

I may have accomplished getting to university but now that I'm actually here I don't really know how to handle everything.
I spent so long last year telling myself and everyone else that I was going to get here and I told my mum I could handle the work and that she shouldn't worry but I obviously had no idea what I was talking about.

2.50AM, Tuesday 21st March

Tomorrow is my 18th birthday. I haven't really anticipated it all that much- like, I'm not all that excited. I'm just a little indifferent. I know that the people on my floor are planning a night out, and I'll be happy to go to town with them, but the whole birthday thing is just... okay. Being 18 wont really change a lot. All it really means is that now when people supply me with alcohol, it'll be legal, and when I go out to town I'll be able to go into clubs. It doesn't mean anything school-wise, or boy-wise, or job- or driving-wise, which are usually the four major things in any teen's life. Any teenage girl, anyway. Unless you're a gay dude.

I just don't know what to expect from anything.

Post Influenced By A Friend

There are people who know exactly what they want to do. I admire that in a person, especially when they're confident enough to actually pursue them. Me, I want a lot of things, but I don't have a dream. I don't want anything so bad that finally achieving it would be the absolute highlight of my life. Sure, I wish and lust and hope for things, but I don't have a proper dream. I think it's because I don't feel like I'm talented or driven enough to go after them.

I'm at University now. My final year of high school was dedicated to achieving the grades I needed and making sure I had everything done- all the forms, all the reading, all the decisions. I chose to do History, Spanish and Classical Studies, because they're all things that interest me. They're not things that will help me make a shit ton of money later in life, they're just subjects that I enjoyed at school or thought I would enjoy.
I went through a lot of crap getting here, though. The accommodation service strung me along. They wouldn't tell me whether I'd been placed or not, and I recieved my confirmation days after everyone else. I was so stressed, I cried almost every hour the first two days, because I knew that if I couldn't get into a hostel I wouldn't be going.
And then, while I was in the UK, the mother of all disappointments occured. The enrolment office declined me, and didn't tell me why. I sobbed on my bed for a long, long time. I felt helpless because I was 24 hours via plane away from home, and there wasn't a lot I could do to fix my problem. The day after next I got up the courage to phone them and ask them what the fuck was going on.
It turned out that two of my assessments from Year 11, of all things, had been merged, and therefore I didn't have enough math credits to gain "university entrance". They told me I could fix it, but not until I came back to New Zealand.
A month later I got home, finally, and a week later, after a lot of studying, passed a maths algebra test that would make up the credits.
That, however, wasn't the end. I had to submit a godamn appeal.

Merely four days before move in day at my hall (we had to struggle to hold onto my place) I finally recieved confirmation that I'd been accpeted. My mum cried. I couldn't speak. After all this crap, I'd finally made it.

And I'm here now. I go to lectures every week. I eat dinner in the huge dining hall with my new friends. I walk around campus like I belong there, because I do. Even though I don't like studying, I like learning. Ultimately, I love discovering new and exciting things, especially when it comes to the ancient world.

I also changed my Spanish minor to a French minor. I thought that picking up a new language might not be the best choice, so now I'm doing something that I did for four years in high school. I did history for five, Classical studies for one.

Where I've been going with all this is that even though I'm here now, I still don't know what I want to do with it. People say you need to have plans for the future. I don't. I have no idea what I'm going to do when I finish my education. I've been at school for the last 13 years, and I'm about to embark on another three to four. I wont know how to be completely independent. I wont know what to do with myself. I'm a little afraid.

This post turned out way longer than I'd planned. I doubt anyone's going to read it once they see the size of it.

Now I'm going to say what I'd actually planned to say before I started telling everyone my life story: what i wish I were dedicated to want enough to actually do:

• Improve my writing enough so that people will read it and like it because it's good, and not because I asked them to have a look and tell me what they think. I want to write stories that people will stumble across and recommend to their friends. I'm not aiming to write a novel. I'm talking about fanfiction. Yeah. Um. Anyway. I still haven't finished the one I started months ago. But I think I'm getting better.
• You know, that's probably it for now. I've been writing since I was a wee girl, and for years I did nothing to improve my style and technique, and everything I wrote fell flat. Now I think I've definitely improved, but I want to improve more. I just can't seem to find the time.

Not even going to bother proofreading this so excuse any mistakes.
Bye.

Jordan you'd better write a post tonight.

Yeah. Bye.

Well Oh Well

Took Chrissy's advice and went to the supermarket: bought some yummy tomato bread and salami (and a V... couldn't help it). Made a nomalicious sandwich. Yep.
Since Mum gave me some money for my birthday I also went to Valleygirl and bought some awesome black and white cotton pants and a new t-shirt. Whoop.

Even though I've been inside a lot lately and only go out to get food or go to Uni, I still feel a bit better about this whole... thing. I mean, I meet new people all the time. Sometimes I'll be randomly chatting to someone in the library, or someone I've met will introduce me to their friends. It's awesome. There are around 22,000 people at Vic Uni, so I'm bound to meet some cool people. I should stop worrying and just get on with it. </trying to be optimistic>

Friday Night

My eating habits here are even worse than they were when I lived at home. At least then I could go into the kitchen and make toast whenever I liked- now I'm living in a hall where all the meals are at set times. Breakfast is 7 til 9, but i don't usually wake up until after 9, so I haven't had breakfast at all in the three weeks I've been here so far.

Today I was straight out the door to uni without eating, and I didn't have any food until dinner at 5.15, so I went 24 hours without a meal or even a snack. Nothing at all. I was hungry, but not hugely so...

And I have no money left. I spent the last of it on V and now I wont have any more until Tuesday. And even then I only get $50, which may seem like a lot but with my lifestyle it isn't, and especially since I'm living in a major city where everything seems to cost twice as much as it did at home.

On the plus side, walking up the hill to uni is easier now that I have to do it everyday. I don't think I'll bother with taking the cable car now. I want to build up some muscle in my legs.

Anyway.
It's Friday night. I'm not doing anything except watching Supernatural on Megavideo. The hallway outside my door is quiet, thankfully. Last night there were people coming into my room, asking me to come into town with them. I turned them all down because a) they were way ahead of me in drunkeness and b) I'm still 17 (until Tuesday, at least).
So. This has been a post.
Goodnight :)

Yay

Have a new laptop, talking to my bestie, went to the movies on Tuesday and feel good about that because it means that people actually want to hang out with me :D
Things are looking up!
Also my 18th is next Tuesday which means a party, so that's something to look forward to :D

x

quel est le point?

Feeling A Bit Miz

I've met some cool people but I haven't really made any friends. Everyone seems to already have a little group or something and I feel like a bit of a loser.
And I miss my friends back home :(
On the plus side Mum finally ordered a laptop for me, so I'll be getting that this week HOPEFULLY.

That's all actually. Um.

x

Also

I hate people who think that because they have had sex they are better than the virgin people. It's like, yes, you did something that people have been doing since people began. You're so special. Have a fucking medal and a goddamn chicken, you whore.

Crazy Shit That Has Happened To Me Lately

Yay now two people know about this blog. Hi Keryn :D I messaged you just now so I hope you get it soon.

So I turn 18 in ten days. I'm not that bothered. The only reason I'm really looking forward to it is because when I go to town with people from my hostel I'll actually be able to get into clubs, instead of wandering around with the lovely people who volunteer to stay with me.

I love being at uni but I'm worried that no one will want to be friends with me and that there might be some people who will talk to me but not actually be my friend, and all the people I love back home will decide they actually don't like me that much and I'll be a friendless loser who stays shut up in her room all day watching Supernatural.

I'm also worried because they guy I (no light way of putting this) had drunk sex with two weeks ago has spoken to me exactly once since then and it's probably because we hardly see each other anyway cause he's on floor 4 and the only reason I saw him in the first place is because I was invited to drink in someone's room on the 5th floor (I'm on 9th) and he got me drunk and well. At least now I know I'm not going to die a virgin.
Does being drunk make it less meaningful? I don't know.

Also I had my first properly drunk experience that Monday (the sex was on Friday Feb 25th) when I had too much cider and then too much white wine and I passed out in McDonalds (on a guy's lap- his name is Tom, he was really nice and he gave me his jacket) and had to be pretty much carried home. It was embarrassing. People from my old high school saw. And I puked out of a taxi.
No hangover though. Fuck yeah.
Before all the excessive drunkeness though I had a fab time. We played a drinking game in Chris' room and then went to town for McDonalds, but I ended up with a completely different group of people and we ended up at a club instead. I couldn't get inside so this guy Jarred stayed with me and he got wine, and we drunk all of it and then we met some more people and I remember hugging everyone and then McDonalds and then puking on the floor. It wasn't that bad. It was just wine and cider.

That's o-week for you (or me, anyway).
I haven't been out since that Friday though. Just ten days and I can party properly.
I love uni life.

x

Today Was A Good Day

Victoria University (in Wellington) sent me an e-mail saying I'd been accepted. I almost cried. My mum came in and she was even more excited than me, it was so funny.
So today we went into town for some new sheets and boxes to put my things in. And I got tonnes of coat hangers.
And then we drove home and got my sisters from school, and I told them about my e-mail, and they were so excited. Not because they were happy for me, but because they can't wait for me to leave home. It made me feel really unwanted.

The bag with all my clothes in it weighs about as much as a baby blue whale, and I have four boxes just for books and DVDs, so I hope there's enough room...

Anyway, I leave home on Sunday. It's quite likely that this will become a Uni blog, or maybe I'll use my other one. Or make a new one. I think I'd better just post this. I'm rambling again.

On Friends, Beauty and Boys.

My friend Jordan gave me the idea for starting a new, more private blog. Mine probably wont be as out there as his, but I'm going to try.
While we're on the subject of Jordan, I want to direct this little letter to him, just in case he reads it one day.

Dear Jordan,

I know that you have your problems- we all do- but I want you to know that all those things you wrote about, those things that you think you are, they're not true. It made me really sad reading your blog. In fact I teared up a little. I know you don't want pity, and I don't pity you, I'm just sad for you. We haven't been friends long but I respect you for who you are and seeing the things that you wrote worried me.
Please be strong, for me.

Love Rosie.

I have this thing I do. I see these things written on people's blogs, and I think oh hey, that's about me! Haha. Well, you know, it's not so silly. Because when I think someone likes me I'm usually right. Some guys are really, really unsubtle. It's those lingering looks, when our knees touch, the way you speak.

I've had some experiences. They're pitiful, but here they are.

• In year 10 a boy called Joseph asked me out. He was in year 12. I did have a crush on him, but he was kinda stupid, so I dumped him after three days. A week later I saw him in the supermarket and I was so embarrassed I ran away and hid from him. Ha. I was only 14...
• In year 12 I went out with my friend Ben. It was a mistake- he asked me at a party, I was drunk, and everyone was egging him on. I was really stupid for not realising what all the innuendos were about, but I'd had this vodka that messed with my head a little. So I dumped him after two weeks.
• In year 13 I went out with my friend Alex. That was the biggest mistake- not because I went out with him, but because I dumped him (I hope to God he never reads this). To this day, a year later, I still have feelings for him. There was a point where I was the only thing keeping him in our group, which is pretty flattering. He's gone now, hundreds of ks away, working to be a farmer. Maybe it's for the best. We're not alike, we don't have the same interests...

Aside from actual relationships...:

• My best friend heard from my other best friend that a guy from that second friend's work liked me. And hey, just my luck, I'd been hiding a crush for months! This, by the way, began at the start of Year 12. His name is Cameron. He's in the USA now, on a school exchange. He has a pretty American girlfriend. I spent a whole year freaking out about the whole thing. I never told him how I felt. I just revelled in the moments when his own feelings were evident. I feel incredibly stupid, because he's a really great guy. One of the best I know.
• I went to a party at my friend's house for drinks. There were heaps of people there that I didn't know, and after flirting with most of the guys I ended up tagging along with this guy called Alex (different from the first). We spent a lot of time sitting on the couch slagging off the other people there, and I told him how Alex no 1 is a dick. I don't really think that. I just wished it were Alex no 1 in the place of Alex no 2. I kissed him once. It was a terrible kiss. We slept in a bed together, but nothing more happened. In the morning some of his stupid mates came in and jumped in between us, and I didn't speak to him until he left.

So yeah, I'm pathetic. Guys have called me bitchy and slutty, girls have called me ugly, fat and stupid. Sometimes I think I'm most of those things (there's no way I'm a slut). Who am I going to listen to though? The people who say those things or the people who compliment me? The people who say I'm funny, smart, fashionable, pretty, sexy...?
If there's one thing  I've learned in life, it's that beauty is subjective. People believe what they want. Usually there's a chance you can change their minds, or you could just live your life the way that you want, the way that makes you happy to be you.
And that's why it makes me sad when my friends put themselves down, because I truly believe that they are all beautiful people, just the way they are. My friends are the best things in my life- more so even than my family.

I'be probably gone on for long enough. At this rate I wont have anything to write about next time.

Hello

This is my personal blog. I have another but that's for the things that I don't mind sharing with all my friends- this is for everything else. I probably will write complete and utter rubbish and stuff and no one will read this unless I force them to, but at least there's a chance that some random stranger will find this and-- hey, I'm rambling! I should be writing about me.

So. I'm 17, 18 on March 22nd. My first name is Rose, but people call me Rosie. I live in New Zealand. I have a patriotic love for my country and I won't stand for people putting it down. I left school at the end of 2010 and I plan on going to University this year.

Now that the about me is out of the way, I can start blogging about "the inner me".