ahhh kinda fucked up my sleeping pattern again :(

night before last i didn't sleep, and stayed up all day yesterday. i went to bed at around 6.30pm, and then woke up today at 5.30. my lecture wasn't until 12pm so i decided to take a little nap at around 7am until 9am, but i didn't actually wake up until 6pm. so, i slept for 24 hours, which is completely fucked up :/

Update

Woah, it's been a while since I last wrote. Nothing to write about really. Still having problems with school, friends, self... nothing new.

Well, maybe a couple of things.

I've finally made some friends. I doubted my ability to get along with anyone here before, but I realised that I just needed to give it time. I've met some lovely, interesting people since those times, and I know now that I didn't need to worry. In saying that, I should also mention that I miss my friends back home and elsewhere more than ever.

School is more of a problem, if anything. I've been kicked out of my history course because I missed one too many tutorials. I had a little breakdown, tried to fix it, and failed, and now I'm quite concerned for the future of my education. If I don't get enough points this year, then next year at uni will be a no go for me, and I don't even know if I can do well enough with just 6 courses, when most people are doing 7 or 8.

So I may have to take an extra filler course next trimester, bringing my total to five. I'll handle it. Somehow.

I'm still not eating right, spending all my money too quickly, shutting myself in my room for days at a time, not going to class, staying up until 7am and waking at 2pm, shirking my resposibilities and ignoring my assignments. I need to fix these things ASAP. I hope it's not too late.

But we'll see how that goes.

Oh, and I'm pretty sure that I have a cold.

x

Sins

I fucking hate that I can't control how jealous I get sometime. Even two months later I'm still hung up on what happened between James and I. I don't even have feelings for him, I just wish I could stop thinking about it and feeling so awkward around him. I haven't even been to dinner since I got back 5 days ago because he might be there, and there are so little people around now that I can't really ignore him.

I may have checked Sloth on that Facebook quiz thing, and it's true, but really I'm guilty of all of them.

Sloth, because I put off my work as often as I can, I don't look after myself & I sleep in hours past I'm supposed to.

Envy, which I feel whenever I see a girl prettier than me or with better clothes than me or with a talent that I could never hope to have or ever be bothered to work for.

Lust, which never really goes away. Because I'm a teenage girl and I'm surrounded with people I can't have.

Gluttony, because I love food more than most people.

Wrath, because even the tiniest things anger me, especially the things that don't really matter. Thinks links to Envy too.

Greed, because I'm never completely happy with what I have.

Pride, because I feel superior when I get a better grade than someone, even people I consider friends.

And today on the street the old Jesus-loving bible-basher that stands on Lambton Quay everyday, without fail, called me a sinner and told me I'm going to hell. And maybe I am.

Ouch

That awful feeling you get when you message someone you haven't spoken to in months to say you miss them, and instead of getting a message back that says they miss you too, they say "of course you miss me" and don't message you again.

FML.

I changed my mind.

Probably a good thing, too.

Also I'm kinda pissed off. What exactly is the point in telling someone they can come to the movies with you, then not replying for ages, and then finally messaging saying they're already in town? I had already specified that I would need a ride if I were to go anywhere, so yeah, thanks for getting my hopes up. I'm all alone here at home and my friends are going off doing things without me. I'm only here until Tuesday. JFC.

Anyway. I really hope I can figure out some way to see Nadia before I go, because I haven't seen her in ages.

I Have To Say SOMETHING...

It just doesn't seem fair, you not knowing.

I know I'm not imagining things either because this is a familiar feeling- it's the beginning. It's going to get more intense, and I'm going to hate myself for ignoring it. I wish I had someone to talk to about this, but no one's online.

I'm a bad, bad person.

Thoughts

This past weekend gave me a couple of things to think about, and I might have to change my perspective on some things and some people including myself.

I don't know...

I wish I didn't live so far away now. I miss everyone so much and I feel like I'm missing out on a lot of things. I hate having to leave after having so much fun and knowing that it'll be weeks until I see everyone again and yet they all live minutes away from each other and when the holidays are over they'll be back at school and together again. Sometimes I really wish I'd been in the year below.