I'm at University now. My final year of high school was dedicated to achieving the grades I needed and making sure I had everything done- all the forms, all the reading, all the decisions. I chose to do History, Spanish and Classical Studies, because they're all things that interest me. They're not things that will help me make a shit ton of money later in life, they're just subjects that I enjoyed at school or thought I would enjoy.
I went through a lot of crap getting here, though. The accommodation service strung me along. They wouldn't tell me whether I'd been placed or not, and I recieved my confirmation days after everyone else. I was so stressed, I cried almost every hour the first two days, because I knew that if I couldn't get into a hostel I wouldn't be going.
And then, while I was in the UK, the mother of all disappointments occured. The enrolment office declined me, and didn't tell me why. I sobbed on my bed for a long, long time. I felt helpless because I was 24 hours via plane away from home, and there wasn't a lot I could do to fix my problem. The day after next I got up the courage to phone them and ask them what the fuck was going on.
It turned out that two of my assessments from Year 11, of all things, had been merged, and therefore I didn't have enough math credits to gain "university entrance". They told me I could fix it, but not until I came back to New Zealand.
A month later I got home, finally, and a week later, after a lot of studying, passed a maths algebra test that would make up the credits.
That, however, wasn't the end. I had to submit a godamn appeal.
Merely four days before move in day at my hall (we had to struggle to hold onto my place) I finally recieved confirmation that I'd been accpeted. My mum cried. I couldn't speak. After all this crap, I'd finally made it.
And I'm here now. I go to lectures every week. I eat dinner in the huge dining hall with my new friends. I walk around campus like I belong there, because I do. Even though I don't like studying, I like learning. Ultimately, I love discovering new and exciting things, especially when it comes to the ancient world.
I also changed my Spanish minor to a French minor. I thought that picking up a new language might not be the best choice, so now I'm doing something that I did for four years in high school. I did history for five, Classical studies for one.
Where I've been going with all this is that even though I'm here now, I still don't know what I want to do with it. People say you need to have plans for the future. I don't. I have no idea what I'm going to do when I finish my education. I've been at school for the last 13 years, and I'm about to embark on another three to four. I wont know how to be completely independent. I wont know what to do with myself. I'm a little afraid.
This post turned out way longer than I'd planned. I doubt anyone's going to read it once they see the size of it.
Now I'm going to say what I'd actually planned to say before I started telling everyone my life story: what i wish I were dedicated to want enough to actually do:
- Improve my writing enough so that people will read it and like it because it's good, and not because I asked them to have a look and tell me what they think. I want to write stories that people will stumble across and recommend to their friends. I'm not aiming to write a novel. I'm talking about fanfiction. Yeah. Um. Anyway. I still haven't finished the one I started months ago. But I think I'm getting better.
- You know, that's probably it for now. I've been writing since I was a wee girl, and for years I did nothing to improve my style and technique, and everything I wrote fell flat. Now I think I've definitely improved, but I want to improve more. I just can't seem to find the time.
Bye.
Jordan you'd better write a post tonight.
Yeah. Bye.
sorry its bit late but i did eventually lol
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