On Friends, Beauty and Boys.

My friend Jordan gave me the idea for starting a new, more private blog. Mine probably wont be as out there as his, but I'm going to try.
While we're on the subject of Jordan, I want to direct this little letter to him, just in case he reads it one day.

Dear Jordan,

I know that you have your problems- we all do- but I want you to know that all those things you wrote about, those things that you think you are, they're not true. It made me really sad reading your blog. In fact I teared up a little. I know you don't want pity, and I don't pity you, I'm just sad for you. We haven't been friends long but I respect you for who you are and seeing the things that you wrote worried me.
Please be strong, for me.

Love Rosie.

I have this thing I do. I see these things written on people's blogs, and I think oh hey, that's about me! Haha. Well, you know, it's not so silly. Because when I think someone likes me I'm usually right. Some guys are really, really unsubtle. It's those lingering looks, when our knees touch, the way you speak.

I've had some experiences. They're pitiful, but here they are.

• In year 10 a boy called Joseph asked me out. He was in year 12. I did have a crush on him, but he was kinda stupid, so I dumped him after three days. A week later I saw him in the supermarket and I was so embarrassed I ran away and hid from him. Ha. I was only 14...
• In year 12 I went out with my friend Ben. It was a mistake- he asked me at a party, I was drunk, and everyone was egging him on. I was really stupid for not realising what all the innuendos were about, but I'd had this vodka that messed with my head a little. So I dumped him after two weeks.
• In year 13 I went out with my friend Alex. That was the biggest mistake- not because I went out with him, but because I dumped him (I hope to God he never reads this). To this day, a year later, I still have feelings for him. There was a point where I was the only thing keeping him in our group, which is pretty flattering. He's gone now, hundreds of ks away, working to be a farmer. Maybe it's for the best. We're not alike, we don't have the same interests...

Aside from actual relationships...:

• My best friend heard from my other best friend that a guy from that second friend's work liked me. And hey, just my luck, I'd been hiding a crush for months! This, by the way, began at the start of Year 12. His name is Cameron. He's in the USA now, on a school exchange. He has a pretty American girlfriend. I spent a whole year freaking out about the whole thing. I never told him how I felt. I just revelled in the moments when his own feelings were evident. I feel incredibly stupid, because he's a really great guy. One of the best I know.
• I went to a party at my friend's house for drinks. There were heaps of people there that I didn't know, and after flirting with most of the guys I ended up tagging along with this guy called Alex (different from the first). We spent a lot of time sitting on the couch slagging off the other people there, and I told him how Alex no 1 is a dick. I don't really think that. I just wished it were Alex no 1 in the place of Alex no 2. I kissed him once. It was a terrible kiss. We slept in a bed together, but nothing more happened. In the morning some of his stupid mates came in and jumped in between us, and I didn't speak to him until he left.

So yeah, I'm pathetic. Guys have called me bitchy and slutty, girls have called me ugly, fat and stupid. Sometimes I think I'm most of those things (there's no way I'm a slut). Who am I going to listen to though? The people who say those things or the people who compliment me? The people who say I'm funny, smart, fashionable, pretty, sexy...?
If there's one thing  I've learned in life, it's that beauty is subjective. People believe what they want. Usually there's a chance you can change their minds, or you could just live your life the way that you want, the way that makes you happy to be you.
And that's why it makes me sad when my friends put themselves down, because I truly believe that they are all beautiful people, just the way they are. My friends are the best things in my life- more so even than my family.

I'be probably gone on for long enough. At this rate I wont have anything to write about next time.